Cliff Richard Royal Wedding Invite

Sir Cliff Richards, who definitely isn’t gay, has allegedly been cheering himself up this week after learning that he isn’t invited to the royal wedding. Cliff, who isn’t gay and has never been gay, was in the process of dry cleaning one of his lemon suits and buying new matching espadrilles for the big day when he discovered the news on CEEFAX. All his plans have been put on hold this week and instead he’s reportedly run up a couple of cushions, de-bobbled three jumpers, and made a list of his favourite ABBA songs.