Royal Wedding News

Prince William has expressed concerns recently to close friends that his wife is actually in danger of disappearing. Kate reportedly stopped eating back in 2011 and has allegedly survived since then on a diet of deodorise air, water vapour and the tears of local working class people.

William is worried that there will be nothing left of her by the time the wedding rolls around and he’ll have to sit next to strange Uncle Edward in church, who will almost certainly film it and try to sell it on Ebay.

The royal household was unavailable for comment yesterday as the were dealing with prince Harry’s latest gaff, when in icy conditions on the Mall, Meghan suggested they should try the council gritter.